A card-game bout of madness.

Are you out of your damn mind, Blizzard? It’s been barely a week since the release of the new Pokémon, and I’m far from done with it. Yeah, I’ve beaten the E4 twice and started breeding some badass ‘mons, but I still got a lot to do! I still have to get me some legendaries, I have to beat the Battle Maison, have to get the most beautiful Pokémon in existence to maximum level and so on! And what do you do, you idiots? What do you do, thinking you can just stomp in here like you own my gaming time? What. Do. You. Do?!

You give me a damn Hearthstone beta key.

I hate you. Yes I–no wait, I love you. No, I can’t allow myself to love you! You stole enough time from me already. We can’t be together any–but wait, you look so good. Maybe I just…

See, see what you’ve done to me? You’ve turned me into some shizophrenic maniac who is re-evaluating his feelings for you. It’s like that hot but crazy ex-girlfriend who suddenly pops up at your favorite pub and starts hitting on you. You got me so mad I compare you to hot females. You’re a company, damnit. A company!

I’m strong, you know. I can just handle this as the grown man I am. I am the master of my fate. I’ll just leave you there, you beta invite. No one forces me to dive back into the Warcraft fandom. That’s in the past, that is no longer–

Hold on. What do you say? There’s a card that actually says “Handle it”? A peon shouts “Job’s done” at the end of your turn? The entire game is one in-jokes filled tribute to the franchise?

Damn you, Blizzard. Damn you. Well, dear readers, if you haven’t heard from me in, say, a week, call my parents and tell them my killer resides in Irvine, California.

Chin out.

P.S.: No worries, I’m sane and having a great time with Hearthstone. A serious impression’s coming up! 

 

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