Geek Jitsu – a special guest post

dbz vegeta dragonball z

Woah! I really wanted this week’s Geek Jitsu to be about something completely different, but then someone crushed my door with a swift blast of energy. Before I could get angry, it turned out to be Vegeta, the prince of all Saiyans! Looks like he thinks my advice in this column is rather dumb and wants to add a few…sidenotes. So yeah, let’s sit down with him and…wait a moment. Mister Vegeta, what are you doing? What, this isn’t an interview? You want to do what?! No, this is my blog, you can’t ju– AAARRGHH!!!

[ an explosion can be heard, followed by a pleased laugh ] 

Alright, how does this work? Oh, I just type here, right? Stupid Earthling technology, it’s as pathetic as you humans are. What are you doing anyway reading the blog of some part-time martial artist who thinks he knows something of achieving greatness? Did you ever see him training in gravity chambers? Did he ever get killed multiple times, just to be resurrected by magical balls? No? See! Take this rare chance then, weakling, and listen to the prince of all Saiyans!

So you think you’re fat, ugly and don’t have any friends because you’re such a nerd? Well, you know why your life is pathetic? Because you are pathetic, human! You have no ambition in your pampered existence, sitting behind your computers while sipping your reeking Starbucks coffee. Everything gets handed to you, since all you gotta do is ask nicely and somebody will do the work for you. It makes you weak, and that shows in more than your lack of muscles.

You know why I became a Super Saiyan? Because I worked my way there. I was born a prince, but everything was taken from me: my planet, my family, everything. Even when I thought I had a chance to be at least the first Super Saiyan since ages, that blasted dimwit of a Kakarot took that from me. But did I just sit in a corner and weep, complaining about how unfair everything is? No! I travelled space, got myself almost killed and found enlightenment in my desperation. I pushed on where others would have quit (like that idiotic Krillin. God I hate his bald head), and that made me great. It’s not my heritage that proofs my superiority, but my superiority that proves my superiority. Simple as that.

I discovered that you weak humans are not well-made for space travel or Hyperbolic Chamber training, but instead of reading this weeping mass of desperation’s silly writing, you should just get to it. If you have to, get yourself a rival. Someone who pushes you beyond your limits, who reminds you of the limits you want to surpass. Find your Kakarot, and make it your life’s goal to beat him. Honor him, but beat him whenever you can.

Now, that’s all I got to share with you wimps. I’ll be back, and if you can’t do over 9000 push-ups then, I’ll turn you into Saibamen pulp. See you, pussies!

[ Vegeta flies off, while the Chin crawls out of a hole in the wall to find this post ] 

What the…he even made an “over 9000”-joke? Alright…

Well, while I go nib some Senzu beans, you better read this little pearl. Didn’t know Vegeta liked to voice his opinion in a literal way…

Chin out!

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